Roll up roll up. I’ve got a super dramatic storytime. Well part one of it at least. This is actually an ongoing affair. And although I personally am not involved, I’m pretty much filled in on every detail as and when it happens. What I need you to do is tell me who’s in the wrong here. For real, this storytime has caused tears; tantrums; and vomit. I have accumulated a squatter. And months down the line, it’s all kicking off again.
I honestly did not expect it to be as long as it is. This is part one, but throughout Blogmas you’ll find all of the parts of this story… I know it’s choppy. I know it’s annoying. But I don’t think anyone has enough time in December to read 15,000 words. So let’s commence with part one.
Once again, I’ve written part one of a non Christmas related Blogmas post. As you can tell, I’m so good at this blogging thing. Not. But I making this storytime Christmassy by using a Harry Potter quote as the title. We all know ITV play all the Harry Potter films on the run up to Christmas so I’m seeing it as a win win.
Like I said, part one of this storytime doesn’t really have anything to do with me. I do have permission from one of the girls, and we’re going to call her Ariel. She’s currently on holiday meaning I’ve had four lonely nights in my bed without her. Nothing weird going on there, we just share a passion for bed snacks. But since she’s been gone, more of the story has unraveled and it’s all kicking off again.
So Ariel knows this part one of this story is going to be published to the world. But what about the second person in question, let’s call her Rosemary. She has no idea. And this might be verging on illegal. But she doesn’t even know this blog exists and there is very little chance of her ever coming across it. There is, of course, a boy in question as well. There had to be didn’t there. We’re going to call him Hiccup because I watched How To Train Your Dragon the other night and it’s the only name I can think of.
So now we’ve got all three of our protagonists, I should probably tell you how I fit in to the story. Firstly, the main incident took place at my flat. Brilliant. That’s a nice reputation I’m creating for myself there. Secondly, Ariel practically had to move into my flat to get away from Rosemary. That means I’ve seen all the messages and everything I need to put an (almost) unbiased version of events out into the world.
Let’s start back when Ariel and Rosemary were bezzos. Literally, they’d speak all the time and go for coffee and on dog walks. Anyone who knows Ariel well knows how weird it is that she’d actually choose to leave the comfort of her bed to go for a walk, but she did it. Seriously, I can leave her in bed with a multipack of crisps and she’ll still be there six hours later. But I just needed to prove my point that they were good friends.
Really quickly, I just want to interrupt part one of this story to tell you that I’ve been nominated for the UK Blog Awards! If you’re enjoying this post, why not head over and vote for me by clicking this link! It will take you ten seconds, and might be my chance to go to a big posh party in London… Now back to part one:
Rosemary and Hiccup are a couple. One of the rockiest and most twisted fucking couples that I’ve ever come across, but they are together. They’re on and off every other week, and the arguments get so out of hand that he’s taken her door of it’s hinges and smashed the ceramic elephant Ariel brought her back from Thailand. Drama. I also forgot to mention that we all work together. This shit writes itself. I’ve spoken about the troubles of being a waitress before in this post, but you’re about to find out that the struggle is real.
The fact that Ariel and Rosemary were good friends, and Rosemary and Hiccup were a couple meant that, by default, the three of them would hang out. Rosemary would tell Ariel everything going on with Hiccup. Ariel would listen and pretend to care for the 60th time. Then they’d all kiss and make up and probably go for another walk. So it wasn’t unusual for Ariel and Hiccup to be out with each other. Emphasis on the ‘wasn’t’. This is only part one after all, there’s plenty of time for it to all go tits up.
Rosemary and Hiccup had broken up for the 80th time this year, trust me you are lucky I started part one where I did. Everyone said that this was it and no more getting back together and moving on and bla bla bla… So cool, finally no more awkward work dramas when the resident couple splits up again. And they actually kept this going for quite a long period of time. It was a month or so before Rosemary went to Vegas, so at least six weeks of separation before the incident took place.
Hiccup is the least interesting person I’ve ever met. Like for real, I can’t even think of one word to describe him. Maybe I am a little bit biased for this situation, but you’ll understand why when we get to the end of this storytime. It was a Sunday and we always go out on Sunday nights because the restaurant that we work in closes early, and this time Hiccup decided to come. Literally we were all gobsmacked. And I didn’t believe it until he turned up at mine for the predrinks. And that is where we’re going to leave it for part one…